“The world is such a scary place. I hate that our kids have to grow up in this environment”
I see that kind of thing all the time on social media. Those concerned moms and dads are totally right. The world is a scary place. On top of all the ugly, hateful things going on in our world, there are so many pressures that are put on parents and kids these days. Public, private or homeschool? Grass fed, gluten free, or Mcdonalds? Everything you do is scrutinized and no matter what you choose, someone is going to think you’re the worst parent ever because of it.
I hate seeing disclaimers on every other post ‘don’t judge’ or ‘please no bashing’. Um, what?! Why are we bashing other moms for asking for help? We are supposed to be in this together! Aren’t we all trying to just keep our kids alive and raise them to be awesome humans? I shouldn’t have to make jokes about how I’m a ‘terrible mom’ because we had pizza for dinner tonight instead of homemade organic baked chicken. Adding ‘disclaimers’ or dissing yourself has become routine just to keep rude comments at bay.
Social media is a huge facilitator of the negativity. When something bad happens, it gets posted and shared thousands of times. Back before Facebook and social media, we would read the newspaper and watch the 6 o’clock news and that was that.
Now, all you have to do is look down at your phone and you see bad news and “TRIGGER WARNING” posts all over the place. I understand the value of being informed and educated on what’s going on in the world, but sometimes it can be a little much. A lot of these ‘trigger’ posts are from well meaning people who just want to make sure the same thing doesn’t happen to someone else.
I use the ‘unfollow’ or ‘hide’ buttons rather frequently so my Facebook page can remain a positive outlet for me to look at when I want to relax in the evenings. It might make me sound naive or appear ignorant but I really love living in my happy little bubble.
The fear mongering that I see on some of the ‘mom pages’ I follow (I.E. Pop Sugar Moms) is absolutely ridiculous and out of control. I understand click bait and it totally works but how mean to freak new moms out like that! We are already nervous about having a new baby, why add to it by posting about the kid who choked on stale puffs? I agree that it’s important to share things like this with other parents who may not think to check the expiration date but articles like that are popping up over every. Little. Thing.
Let me just take a moment to rant here. If your child owns a toy that has a squeaker or a hole in it (whether it’s a teether or a bath toy) and it is around water or gets submerged or rinsed off, guess what? IT WILL GET MOLDY. Can we stop being shocked and appalled and nauseated about the mold people find growing in damp, dark places? Come on, mamas. It’s science. It happens. Glue the holes shut or don’t buy squirt toys for the bath in the first place. Seeing all these new viral posts about things that grow mold is getting so old.
How about instead of encouraging this madness and sharing posts that make you sick to your stomach, we look at the good things in the world? Find something positive and share that article on your page! Get off your phone and plant a tree, pick up some trash or hold the door for someone.
There are so many small things you can do every day that might help someone to ‘restore their faith in humanity’. Let’s work on this, okay? Be a good, decent human. Help people who need it. Stop judging people for decisions that are entirely their business and have nothing to do with you. If you have to, put down your phone instead of starting an argument on a post that makes your blood boil. I promise you, whatever you have to say is not going to matter to the person who posted it. You are only encouraging them and they really don’t care what your opinion is! Instead, go read a book, fold that pile of laundry you have been posting pictures of, or color a picture with your kid!
It is so important that we show our children the beauty of this world instead of teaching them that the world is a nasty place and they are doomed. Teach your children how to deal with disappointment, how to cope with hard times, and how to be kind. Help them learn to respect their surroundings and the people they interact with. Let’s raise a generation that will put an end to the world being a ‘terrible place’. A generation who will learn from mistakes instead of becoming them. Who will end world hunger, racism, sexism and stop bullying.
Remember that your children see you. They see what you do, how you act and how you react in every situation. They are learning, and taking notes.
If you are screaming at the other cars on the road or being rude to your waitress, they notice. Become the kind of person you want your child to grow up to be. Let’s restore faith in humanity and make this world a beautiful place.
Show your children the good that remains. Teach them to enjoy nature. Raise them to be optimistic! If we are constantly moping about all of the bad things that are happening, we will fuel their anxiety and disdain for the world around them. I personally want to raise a positive, happy, respectful and kind person. Don’t you?
Meg says
March 24, 2017 at 8:06 pmGreat perspective. I too will regularly hide and unfollow people that get too combative and aggressive for my tastes on social media. I’m all for sharing information and debating ideas, but let’s do it with respect and a true desire to see the OTHER point of view as well as our own. Yes, our children will see it ALL, so we better be careful about the kind of ideas we put in their heads. There’s a song in the old classic musical South Pacific that includes the lyrics: “You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear. You’ve got to be taught from year to year…to hate all the people your relatives hate…” We teach our kids so many things unintentionally.
Ayana says
March 25, 2017 at 1:17 amI think parents of toddlers learn this really quick the first time they hear their kid curse! haha. It’s almost scary how much they take in! Some people don’t realize when they see their child throw a fit or slam their fists on the table that they are doing that because that is how they are ultimately taught is the right way to behave! Their parents react in similar ways, why shouldn’t they?!
Jennifer says
March 25, 2017 at 4:53 amGreat advice mama! I often feel like common sense and plain manners are lacking in many people today. All we can do is raise our kids to be the best they can be. No better way than teaching by example!
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:34 pmSo right!! 🙂
Bessy says
March 25, 2017 at 12:57 pmI agree! The moldy Sophie toy viral thread had me going bonkers! It made me think, well now every insecure mom is going to think she’s a bad mom because she didn’t see the mold sooner. Horrible!
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:34 pmRight?! And poor mamas are cutting open their 25$ teething toy to find NO mold because they actually have been using it and cleaning it properly!
Raine C. S. says
March 25, 2017 at 2:45 pmYou raise some really important points here. There is a lot of negativity and bashing going on these days, particularly on social media. It does get to be over the top. In our family, we try to practice kindness. We do this by volunteering (our local shelter mostly) or visiting with some of our elderly neighbours who are a little on the lonely side. At first, we did this specifically as a learning lesson for my kids, but we came to realize that it just sort of fit into our lifestyle and was something we enjoyed doing. My kids have learned compassion and I believe have become kinder for having been taught to think about something/someone other than themselves. Thanks for writing.
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:37 pmThanks for reading! I think I might start this year as my son will be 2 but I really want to do a ’12 days of Christmas’ type deal but instead of gifts for the kids we do something for someone else each day. But I love the idea of just incorporating it into our daily lives! Such an important lesson!
Tina @AMindfulFairytale says
March 25, 2017 at 3:45 pmSo well said! This is so important! I also like to surround myself with positive things and it becomes so exhausting to try and avoid the non-stop bashing, negative, scary world, totally disgusted about something posts everywhere all the time. I don’t want my kids to live in a bubble but at the same time, we need to show them that we are in control of what we bring into our lives and what we choose to focus on.
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:38 pmVery true!
Sandra crespo says
March 25, 2017 at 4:41 pmI absolutely love and agree with everything you said in this post! We are on a mission to teach our kids to see the best in the world because it really is a beautiful place since we create our reality! It is one of the big reasons we decided to sell almost everything we owned, hit the road and show the kids the traveling the world first hand 🚎
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:40 pmI wish my husband would be down with this!!! My heart is totally aching to live this kind of life but my husband is far too rooted to do it! Lucky you!
Michelle says
March 25, 2017 at 6:31 pmLove ❤️
#giveaway
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:42 pmgood luck girl!
Tricia says
March 25, 2017 at 8:54 pmI also unfollow people on social media (especially Facebook!) all the time. Maybe that makes me a bad friend, but I’m not interested in political rants and judgmental posts 24/7. I’m just on Facebook to see photos and hear life updates from people who I don’t speak to regularly, yet still want to keep in contact with. No need for all the extra drama!
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:42 pmRight?! I sometimes meet people and add them thinking we could be friends and then I see them posting every little drama in their life. No one wants to see your dirty laundry like that!!
Lauren Michelle says
March 25, 2017 at 9:05 pmI love this because it is so real. Children take after the people they spend the most time around. There are parents who don’t understand why their children act in such a way or have such hate, and it could be because the parents expresses those traits to other people when the child is around.
Plus when we see the good world, it will not only impact our kids but also our own perception!
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:44 pmI really think a lot of people don’t realize what sponges our kids are! They might not react to something you do or act like they aren’t paying attention but they hear you!
Jasmine Hewitt says
March 26, 2017 at 12:18 amI totally agree in that, there’s a;ready enough bad and scary in the world. I appreciate TRIGGER WARNINGS because I’m not always in the mood to read disturbing and graphic things. I have a peaceful home life, and prefer to keep my internet world the same. I’m not ignoring the bad, I just controlling when and how I choose to see it. And kids don’t need to be aware of such things. Children feed off their parents energy, and if you’re anxious and upset, so are they. Love your perspective!
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:45 pmThank you for reading! Yeah I get that Trigger warnings are important I just hate that those posts exist in the first place. I do think sometimes facebook is a good place to get advice or a second opinion but it can just be a little much, you know?
Kiley Smith says
March 26, 2017 at 1:37 amI love this post and completely agree. Our home is one of peace and loving. Not one of fear, hurtful words or judgement. We must be the examples and joy in this crazy world if we want to make it better. Our kids will follow our examples–actions speak louder than words!
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:46 pmThey really do!! That’s the kind of household I want to be a part of!
Elizabeth Brico says
March 26, 2017 at 3:56 amThis post makes me sad. Not because I disagree but because it makes me feel like I’m a bad mother because I have PTSD. Of course I try to be kind to people and model kindness, compassion, etc but depression, anxiety, dissociation, and all those other nasty symptoms end up popping in some time or another. I wish I lived in a body that could be present and positive all the time..but I don’t. Does that mean I shouldn’t have had children, or that I should be ignored and excluded from community events? Maybe, it does happen a lot. But is the way to make the world better really to deintegrate people who have experienced trauma and are not capable of being always positive?
Author Brandi Kennedy says
March 26, 2017 at 1:43 pmI have PTSD too, so I read this post feeling more than a little convicted. I AM negative at times, and yes, I know my kids are watching. I also yell sometimes, when I’m overwhelmed and my kids just aren’t getting it. But I do try to curb that as much as possible – not because I think people should always be shining with happiness, but because my PTSD is the result of childhood abuse, and it’s so important to me to curb that cycle.
My kids will be raised by a mom that’s human. I’m negative sometimes, I yell more than I like, and I don’t always handle the everyday stuff as well as a “normal” person might. But I’m also not secretive with my kids. They’re 13 and 7, and they know I have PTSD. They also know (age-appropriate) things about how I ended up this way – and because I (like you, I’m sure) am doing the best I can to raise compassionate little people with big loving hearts, they try hard to give me as much grace as I’m trying to give them.
They’ll see that there’s bad stuff in the world, because I’m not going to shelter them. But they’ll also see that you can choose to look at the good things – because they see how hard I fight every day to do that.
Keep your head up, mama. If you’re giving it your all every day that you can, then that’s enough. *hugs*
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:53 pmYour comment came through! Thanks so much for your take on this! You are both wonderful moms <3
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:50 pmI think your case is different! Honestly I’m not patient all the time. Sometimes I raise my voice and honestly I am constantly shouting at my dogs to get out of my face haha. I am writing what I hope to become! I think as long as you love your kids and express that as well as you can then of course you’re a great mom! You have been through so much I’m sure and I imagine you are an awesome mama. I wasn’t trying to single out people with PTSD or traumatic situations!
Janani Viswanathan says
March 26, 2017 at 6:57 amGreat post. I watch this in my kids all the time. They mock me pretry often. Sometimes I wonder is it how I really behave and talk. Now a days I cautiously make a note to avoid such language and try to hide the frustrated adult peeping out of me. Indeed kids teach us many life lessons. If only we can follow them and get back to childhood mode life will become easier.
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:51 pmI know, I can be sarcastic, snarky, and totally bitchy sometimes. Honestly my husband and I bicker a lot (mostly joking) but I keep thinking we need to tone it down around my son! I know he will end up picking up the negative stuff and I don’t want that!
The Playful Parent says
March 26, 2017 at 12:52 pmI agree, moms need to be less judgemental and more supportive of each other. Raising kids isn’t always easy and we are hard enough on our selves with mom guilt
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:53 pmSo true-mom guilt is so real! I remember one of my ‘crunchy’ mom groups (which I LOVE normally) was SO hardcore anti cry it out that I felt SO guilty if I let my son cry even for 5 minutes. Like somehow they would know I was letting him cry so I could finish my dinner!
kristen morris says
March 26, 2017 at 2:01 pmI think you post some good reminders here, number 1 being that we are in control of our phones and our social media exposure and unplugging is essential. I particularly love escaping off for a walk in the woods when the bad news gets overwhelming. Thank you for highlighting the deceptive practice of click bait articles, and taking things with a grain of salt.
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:55 pmOf course! thank you for reading! We have trails behind our house that are a great ‘escape’ from time to time or an after dinner walk.
Agentszerozerosetter says
March 26, 2017 at 2:40 pmI agree with you! I do the same, only search positive things and people. Bad things happens, it’s true, but we don’t have to be anxious about them!
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:56 pmYes! It’s good to be aware of the issues and try to make a difference if you can but worrying won’t get you anything but stressed out!
Krysten says
March 26, 2017 at 4:07 pmThat is really gross about the mold in the sophie. I would be so angry. We wound u not getting one of those for my little man, just figured he had enough toys and I’m glad that we didn’t. I love the message of you blog and I need to remind myself to do this.
Ayana says
March 26, 2017 at 4:57 pmI think a lot of times it was user error too. They give explicit instructions for cleaning so maybe the pictures we saw didn’t follow those. I read an article that said drool couldn’t possible create that type of mold so it’s almost guaranteed it was submerged in water at least once. Or rinsed off. Also we didn’t buy one either because HOLY EXPENSIVE TEETHER! No thanks!
Jessi Joachim says
March 26, 2017 at 11:35 pmI love this! Children are so innocent and loving. They see the good and beauty in everyone! They learn from us as parents, and we need to teach them to keep that love as long as possible.
Ayana says
March 27, 2017 at 2:17 amYes this!! It’s so important <3
Pooja K says
March 27, 2017 at 1:52 amYou make a great point about cutting ourselves and other Moms some slack. Also, while hygiene and being germ free is v imp, messes are relative. So stuff will happen and the kids will be fine.
Ayana says
March 27, 2017 at 2:13 amYou’re so right!!
Jessica Peresta says
March 27, 2017 at 2:11 amI agree that my kids are watching me and will act like I act. We strive to be a home filled with love, peace, and joy.
Ayana says
March 27, 2017 at 2:13 amThat’s really good!!
Julie Hoag says
March 27, 2017 at 3:53 amI agree, we need to stop all the negativity. Kids are watching us and they will copy. I think we need to focus on the positive for ourselves and for our kids. Way too many judgemental people out there making assumptions and laying down negative blanket statements. Why aren’t we all more supportive? No one is perfect and we all know that, so why is everyone so critical???
Ayana says
March 28, 2017 at 3:18 amRight?!? I think it has to do with how drawn to drama people are!
Charissa | thenotsobusymom says
March 27, 2017 at 1:33 pmLove, love, love this!! I want to celebrate the good and encourage my children to walk through this world with a grateful heart, happy to be living life!
Ayana says
March 28, 2017 at 3:18 amThank you for reading and I’m glad it resonated with you!
Elizabeth O. says
March 27, 2017 at 3:43 pmThis is absolutely true. There is so much that the kids see from us, especially when it comes to our reactions and we have to watch what we’re doing while they watch us too. It all starts at home.
Ayana says
March 28, 2017 at 3:18 amYes ma’am! It’s hard to watch what you do for sure!
Amanda Love says
March 27, 2017 at 3:47 pmThis is a good reminder for all of us parents. Social media is a huge factor in all the negativity that’s going around these days and it’s up to us to put a stop to that since we’re all the ones posting on it. What we do is definitely being copied by the kids so it’s also important to watch our actions and our reactions.
Ayana says
March 28, 2017 at 3:19 amYes, it can be difficult but so important!
Katherine says
March 27, 2017 at 6:33 pmSince I started blogging I spend a lot more time on social media. I must say I totally agree, the negative stuff gets old fast. No-one ever gets tired of positivity!
Ayana says
March 28, 2017 at 3:20 amYes! it’s hard to better yourself and promote your blog but not get sucked in by the negativity!
Danielle says
March 28, 2017 at 1:44 amSo much truth in this post! I try so hard to be positive around my girls.
Ayana says
March 28, 2017 at 3:21 amThank you so much for reading!!
Ashlea says
March 29, 2017 at 1:28 amI hate those threads please don’t bash. It is absolutely saddening that everyone has to bash on everyone and you cant even ask a question for fear of it.
Ayana says
March 29, 2017 at 3:02 amGoodness, right?! Silliness!
Terri Beavers says
March 29, 2017 at 3:20 pmI’m always surprised by how some people act and the things they say on social media. I use my hide button as well.
stacey says
March 29, 2017 at 11:02 pmI agree completely. There is far too much negativity and troll-ism on social media. I too have used the hide button in the past, but decided to just unfriend the ones who make me sick. I would say I work hard to stay positive, but I don’t Its easy for me, I always look for the happy place. My husband says I am naive and live in my own world. I don;t thin so. I know its out there, I just choose not to focus on it.
Ayana says
March 31, 2017 at 12:19 amRight?! That’s my viewpoint as well. Especially if you know it’s going to affect your mood and ability to be a great wife and mother. If I get too much negativity I feel gloomy and sad and hopeless. So…why do that to myself?!
Angela Zimsky says
March 30, 2017 at 7:48 amMy daughter is 2 years old and I agree that the world is a scary place. I find myself reaching out often asking for others advice. I find it quite terrible when its offered with judgement.yg
Ayana says
March 31, 2017 at 12:20 amI know, right? Everyone thinks their way is the only way most of the time. That and misreading the tone of things can be a struggle!
Claire Santiago says
March 30, 2017 at 2:16 pmas much as possible, I don’t want to show any negative attitude to my kids, but I am only human who lost temper. But I am not that kind who curse when I am in front of my kids. whenever I got furious and can’t control emotions, I talk to my kids afterwards and explain to them…
Ayana says
March 31, 2017 at 12:22 amMy son is starting to repeat stuff so I’m trying to be better. I have gotten really bad about cursing when I get hurt, or when someone cuts me off in traffic! I know it’s so bad but it’s also really hard to break some habits!
Christina McPeak says
March 30, 2017 at 3:45 pmBeautiful post and wonderful blog!!
#giveaway
Ayana says
March 31, 2017 at 12:27 amThank you!! Good luck! 🙂
Elizabeth says
March 31, 2017 at 7:31 amA thought provoking post, this. The world can be a scary place, but it’s also beautiful and wondrous. It’s up to us to show this world to our children so they’re not as scared of it as we are.
Ayana says
March 31, 2017 at 3:35 pmExactly!
Amber says
April 1, 2017 at 1:54 amHey Ayana! I’m commenting for the giveaway but also because I totally need to take your lead and just ignore the people who share trigger posts. Social media is my relaxing time but seeing terrible stories about children and animals really hurts me to the soul and makes me withdrawn; this is the kind of person I don’t want to be for Kayla. You’re posts are so cute btw!
Ayana says
April 2, 2017 at 2:37 amExactly!! It’s like we make the situations even worse in our head and by sharing them! And thank you so much, you’re too sweet!!